wisdom from fenelon...

this is entitled Surrender to His Plans, it comes from The Seeking Heart by Fenelon

"I am truly sorry about all your troubles, but I know that God is working on your behalf. Remember that God loves you and therefor He does not spare you! He lays you on the cross of Jesus Christ. Whatever revelations you receive or whatever emotional experiences you have are worthles unless they lead your to the very real and constant practive of dying to your self-nature. Unfortunately, you cannot die without suffering, nor can you be said to be fully dead while part of you still lives.

"The death that God brings you will pierce deep within. Soul and spirit will be divided. He sees in you all that you cannot see. He knows exactly where the fatal blows should fall. He heads straight for that which you are most reluctant to give up. Pain is only felt where there is life. And in this situation life is precisely the place where death is needed.

"Your Father wastes not time by cutting into that which is already dead. If He wanted to let you remain as you are, He would certainly do so. He seeks to destroy your old nature. He can only accomplish this by cutting into that which is alive. Do not expect Him to attack only those obviously wicked desires which you renounced forever when you gave yourself to Him. Rather, He may test you by taking away the wonderful sense of freedom you feel, or by taking from you all that now brings you spiritual comfort.

"Will you resist? No! Allow everything! Volunteer for your own death, for God will only accomplish His work to the extent that you let Him. Do not push away the progress that God wants to make in your life.

"Cheerfully give up everything you now rely on to God's good pleasure. Give up spiritual things, too, whenever He wants to take them away from you. What do you fear, your of little faith? Are you afraid that He may not be able to give you His strength when He takes away yours? Why does He take it away? Only so that He might be your supply. The lesson may be painful, but He wishes to purify you. I see that every natural means of help is shut off. God intends to accomplish His work in your by cutting off every human resource. He is a jealous God. He wants you to see that what He is going to do within you can only be done by Himself alone.

"Surrender to His plans. Allow yourself to be led where He wants to take you. Be careful when you seek help from people when God is not wanting you too. Remember that they can only give you what He gives to them to give you. Why should it bother you that you can no longer drink from the faucet? You are now being led to drink from the ever-flowing spring!"

some of this is hard for me to read, and to digest. truthfully, my flesh does not want to digest it. i would much rather not go through pain. but, i need to keep being reminded that the pain i am going through is not just be for the sake of pain, but for God's ultimate purpose. why am i not giving up the things i rely upon? mostly because i am comfortable. i am comfortable in my controlled misery. i want the faucet. i can't even fathom that there is an ever-flowing spring. i get hung up on experiencing more pain before there is less pain. i wonder, 'what will i have to endure to get to a better place?'

on the other hand, i want to be purified. i desire whatever it takes to bring me to the ever-flowing spring. i want to trust Him and believe Him enough to allow Him to work in the way He needs to work. oh, that is so hard!

but, last night at small group was another confirmation from God that i am not alone, that i am not the only one who has these thoughts, struggles, doubts. i am so thankful for that and to God for bringing these people in my life. and, as hard as some of these words are for me to read, they do bring hope.